- 1 Foreword
The foreword consists of a short description of constellation work, my acknowledgments and thanks plus a disclaimer.
- 2 Treat the Symptom or the Underlying Cause?
The second chapter makes clear that daily squabbles and quarrels are just symptoms and not the cause of our relationship problems. There is a cause behind the symptoms. If we want to heal our relationship, we have to look at what determines our relationship happiness; we have to dare to look at what causes the problems.
- 3 Determinants of Relationship Happiness
Here I introduce an approach to relationship conflict that looks beyond the symptoms toward causes. The first and most important aspects that will be addressed are our loyalties and our unconscious, blind love toward parents and ancestors. The impact of these loyalties is seen time and time again in relationship constellations. They cause severe destruction to our relationships as long as they remain unconscious. Further on, it will become clear that we have inherited a relational blueprint from our ancestors that determines our relationship happiness. I will also demonstrate that reciprocity is intrinsic to every relationship. It part of being in a relationship, part of being human just like breathing, eating, and drinking. The other aspects that greatly affect our relationships, also unconsciously, are traumas and unprocessed pain from childhood.
- 4 Why Do We Enter Relationships?
In this chapter I explain why I consider relationships as an Evolutionary Process and a personal path to enlightenment and awareness. To give you an idea of the process, I am going to present the story of a couple who decided to look for answers. Step by step, they brought their unconscious mind-set about relationships into their conscious awareness. This allowed them to let go of old loyalties and entanglements while learning to take full responsibility for their marital happiness.
- 5 What Burdens Relationships, and What Makes Them Flourish?
I discuss a number of rules about loving relationships in this chapter that become apparent through consciously experiencing how tensions and conflicts between people are resolved during constellations and through witnessing how love can flow again as a result. From such experiences, we can see what gets in the way of a good relationship and what helps a relationship to bloom.
- 6 A Look Behind the Scenes
Chapter 6 answers the question: how do all these disturbances find their way into our families and our relationships? We will take a look behind the scenes and delve into our subconscious to appreciate the forces at play. According to Hellinger, the working of the conscience plays a very important role here. We are also going to learn in this chapter that all of our relationships are subject to certain laws and that an organizing principle is present in our mind-set. This concerns systemic laws and systemic order.
- 7 Constellations Methodology
In this chapter, I will describe the process of relationship and family constellations and explain the importance of the Knowing Field and representative perceptions. Furthermore, I will explain constellations in the individual setting and, finally, look at whether a relationship or marriage can be saved by a constellation.
- 8 What Can I Do Myself?
Here, I give important tips that you can apply step by step. Moreover, I cover different methods and exercises that have proved their worth. We start by looking at the order of how people sit at the table. Then you will find out about Inner Child Meditation. This meditation is a great way to realize your own unfulfilled desires. At the end is a questionnaire designed to uncover your mind-set about relationships, which will help to make you aware of your loyalties and entanglements to enable you to release them.
- 9 Preparing for Your Own Constellation
In this chapter, you will find a second questionnaire as well as some guidelines on how to prepare for your own constellation. Various testimonials will show you how constellations operate and what they have meant for those who have set up their own constellations.